Back and Forth, Back and Forth

Dear Baby,

This Friday we have an appointment with the neurologist per Dr. Boo's request. He wants us to check and see if there is a way to come off the pretty blue-gray pills I take for my Epilepsy and to get on something that would be less harmful to you in the long run. I'm guessing they will also probably add in a prescription of Folic Acid as well to help with the negative effects.

I'm having a hard time with how to go with this one. I wan you to be as healthy as you are able to be. I want you to live the life you are supposed to live. I want you to be free of pain. But on the other hand, I want to stay free of seizures on my end. I have been on these pills or 20 years now. They are my lifeline in some ways.

What's best for both of us? I don't know. Only the doctors can educate and help use decide.

Love Always,

Future Baby Mama

P.S.After writing today's entry, I went off on a Google hunt. Of course I found no other blogger who is/has taking/taken Depakote ER during pregnancy. While I was on that search, I did find this article straight from the source on Epilepsy. I'm thinking this might come with us to the doctor on Friday.

Keep On Dreamin'

Dear Baby,

Right now I'm having such a hard time keeping focus. We got the test results we were waiting on today and they weren't good. We have been given the options of IVF with ICSI as a recommendation for being able to bring you into our future. IUI will more than likely not be successful.

Well, IVF is the same way with a 36% rate for transfer. The cost is way out there as well at the tune of $15,000 based on internet findings.

Where does this put things? I totally do not know. We are trying to intake what we can and press on because that is what we must do. Hate being apart from daddy right now as we aren't there to work through things together.

Love,

Future Baby Mama

More Pills?

Dear Baby,

Life always has a way of allowing you to realize you are blessed. I am blessed to have health care insurance. Despite the times when I want to scream at the premiums, I am still blessed to be able to have the insurance.

Why? Because my daily doses of meds would put us in the poor house if not.

The two blue-gray pills I've been taking for 21 years! That's my Depakote ER for Epilepsy. It's also the drug that Dr. Boo is most worried about during a pregnancy. It's a Class D drug which is just a notch below Class X. We have an appointment with a neurologist son to discuss our choices. I'm kind of leery on changing.

The 2 small salmon colored pills, those are my Celexa. This is my chill pill. It helps with my Anxiety and OCD. Is also what we had to recently double from just 20 mg to now 40 mg. things are much better now.

The little white pill, well that's Provera. This month, I didn't cycle so we have to give it a jump-start of sorts. Only a few more days left to take this.

And the last big blue horse pill, well that's my Prenatal Vitamin. Crazy big but worth it all for the extra benefits for you.

See, I'm very blessed. I have all of these meds to help various aspects of my life that I couldn't imagine without them. All for the health of mama and baby!

Love,

Future Baby Mama

Progress...

Dear Baby,

This past week we were so happy to learn that Daddy has lost 28 lbs! How awesome is that!

The good news kept coming when I weighed in yesterday and was down another 2.4 lbs for a total of 29.7!

We can do this together and not only for ourselves but for a better life with you.

Love,
Future Baby Mama

Patience

Dear Baby,

There are many times where we just have to play the waiting game. Waiting for test results, waiting for a cycle to start so we can try again... just waiting. Trying to be patient and let things happen when they may and trying to continue just going each and every day.

It's the peace in knowing that I will one day become a mother to a wonderful baby that keeps pushing me on. Weight continues to come off {not sure of how much right now} but I know it's in the right direction, I feel it.

You are so worth waiting for!

Love,

Your Baby Mama

Another Day...

Dear Baby,

Today marked the start of Prover once again after being on Day 43 without my cycle coming. Took the pregnancy test first full well knowing it would come back negative. Still there was that glimmer of hope.

Moving forward is the only way! We will see you when the time is right.

Love,

Future Baby Mama

It's Been A Long Time

Dear Baby,

It's been an extremely long time since I have thought about sharing on this blog. So long that the previous two posts didn't make sense so I have reverted them to drafts as to not confuse the new.

We have now been trying to conceive (TTC) for a year. It started with a trip to my new OBGYN and was started back on NuvaRing to regulate my cycle due to the PCOS. Granted at this time, I was also still trying to lose weight after gaining so much in the prior two years. After getting regular on NuvaRing, I was taken off and then started taking Clomid to stimulate ovulation.

12 months of BBT charting, ovulation testing and 100 mg of Clomid for 5 days per cycle and still no baby. I will tell you that a baby is something that Daddy and I talk about all the time. We can't wait to have you in our lives.

Fast forward to last week. I went to our new Fertility Specialist at UT-Southwestern. He greeted us right away while the nurse was taking my vitals. Talk about service! Blood pressure and temp were good, and when I got on the scale I was down 6.4 lbs! Granted, I still want to lose 85 more {would settle with 60 more} but it's a start in the right direction again. Clomid was hard on my body.

After about an hour discussion with Dr. Boo {not his real name, but it is what I call him since I can't pronounce it}, I had my exam. Talk about fun times. Dr. Boo was very explanatory during the exam. He showed me really good images of my ovaries and even told his Student Intern that I was a good case of polycystic ovaries. He counted 13 of them on my right ovary alone but that all things were fine. Onto the left and he was happy {as was I} to see that I had ovulated the prior month.

A few days later, the nurse called and let me know that all of the 9 vials of blood had been tested and tests were good. Negative on all counts that needed to be and now it was time for Daddy to take his tests.

Currently still waiting on test results from those. I have an appointment to see a neurologist on August 3rd as Dr. Boo wants me to discuss my Depakote ER with him. I have mixed feelings because I have now been on it 21 years and I don't want to possibly harm things.

So that's where we are now in our path to making our family more complete.

Love you,

Your Future Baby Mama